Boy, you’re gonna carry that weight

Get ON my back, woman

I’m not married, but from what I gather, most husbands usually want their wives to get off their backs, not on.

So it was with great intrigue that I read about a most bizarre competition in Finland last weekend: the Wife Carrying World Championships, in which male contestants race through an obstacle course while a female teammate hangs on for dear life.

>> See video of it here.

Estonia has traditionally dominated wife carrying, having taken home the gold in 11 of the last 13 competitions.

But this year Finland ended Estonia’s reign. With Kristiina Haapanen on his back, the unstoppable Taisto Miettinen bounded through the 250-metre course – which included a pool and two hurdles - in 62 seconds, beating the Estonian couple by a mere 0.1 seconds.”You have no idea how good this feels now,” Miettinen said afterward. No doubt a heartbreaking defeat for Alar Voogla and Kristi Viltrop, though.

The rules of wife carrying are simple, and amusing. The wife may be your own, or you can borrow one from your neighbour, but she has to be at least 17 years old. She must be a minimum of 49 kilograms or else she has to carry a backpack filled with extra weight to make up the difference.

The fireman's carry: 'Hang on, honey'

The wife can be comported in a number of ways: piggyback, fireman’s carry (over the shoulder), or “Estonian-style” (she hangs upside-down with her legs around the man’s shoulders, holding onto his waist). BTW: I once saw this done in an adult movie, ‘Position Impossible’, but that’s not really relevant here…

The sport of wife carrying, which began in Finland, hearkens back to a time when, according to legend, it was common practice for brutes to steal women from neighbouring villages. How delightfully medieval.

Competitors come from around the globe to take part in the Wife Carrying World Championships. Former NBA star Dennis Rodman took part in 2005, which only reinforces how strange a spectacle this is.

If you figure this is simply some crazy northern-European thing, however, it’s not; there is also an American wife carrying championship, UK and Australian versions, and one right here in Canada.

The best part? In addition to all the pride and glory, the winners of these contests get to take home their wife’s weight in beer. I always thought having a fat wife might be a bit of a bummer (unless you’re one those dudes who is into the girls who go boom, and many are.) In this case, however, the bigger they come, the more sauced you get.

Sounds like a great deal. Now I wonder if my neighbour has a fat wife I can borrow…

ryan@roadtostarrdom.com