The case resulted in new restrictions for airline passengers – as anyone who flies is painfully aware of – including limits on how much liquid and gel we can carry aboard a plane. (In some cases, mothers were made to drink their own breast milk to prove it wasn’t going to be used to make a bomb.)
The men are to be sentenced next week. Rather than the traditional options like life in prison or death, however, I propose a course of disciplinary action that would be far more satisfying to all us innocent air travelers who have been totally screwed over.
First, these would-be terrorists should be made to drink all the bottles of water and coffee and the various other liquids and gels that are confiscated each day from passengers at Heathrow Airport. Look at it as a kinder, gentler type of waterboarding. The deal is that they can only stop once they throw up or piss themselves (videos of which must be posted on YouTube).
Next, the three men should have to give up a some vital organs – a lung each, maybe a kidney – which could be sold with the proceeds used to reimburse flyers who are forced to toss out goods they can’t carry onboard.
Finally I think the convicted terrorists should be made to put on belts and shoes, then remove them, then put them back on again, and on and on, non-stop, for at least 12 hours a day. That outta drive ‘em batty. Oh and then they must get yelled at by some crabby airport security person.
I know, I know, this all sounds like cruel and unusual punishment, but I don’t see it that way. After all, going through security in an airport these days is absolute torture.
So before they get to wile their lives away in the cushy confines of some UK prison, these would-be terrorists should have to first experience a bit of the hell they’ve created for us poor, freedom-loving travelers.
Merry Christmas to all — if you celebrate it, or even if you don’t; and even if you don’t, you’re still going to love Simon’s cat in ‘Santa Claws’ (unless you don’t like cats, in which case, forget you). Happy … Continue reading → […]
NOVEMBER HAS BECOME synonymous with “Movember,” the annual event during which guys around the world grow moustaches to raise money and awareness for men’s health, prostate cancer specifically. It’s a brilliant publicity campaign that has gathered a huge amount of … Continue reading → […]
HOW’S THAT FOR heeding a warning? Saw this head-shaking piece of work on the way into a Toronto-area hospital yesterday. If the genius driver responsible for the damage could read the sign, apparently he didn’t get the message. ryan@roadtostarrdom.com […]
CANADIAN NOVELIST Russell Smith had a thought-provoking column in the Globe and Mail a few weeks back examining the growing tendency these days for young creative people, writers in particular, to work for free. The spur for the discussion was … Continue reading → […]
NEGATIVE OPINIONS about news organizations have hit an all-time high in the U.S. But Americans trust their news organizations more than they do government and business. This according to a new survey from the Pew Research Center for the People … Continue reading → […]
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