Osama the tree hugger

Osama: Save the Earth, death to America!

OSAMA BIN LADEN is back in the news, and not just because he’s released one of his tirades against evil America.

He has issued a new tirade, only this time Osama’s got a new focus for his ire. In a taped message aired on Al Jazeera last week, the Titan of Terror blames the U.S. and other industrialized nations for … wait for it … causing climate change.

“The effects of global warming have touched every continent,” Osama says in the message, sounding like a university professor. “Drought and deserts are spreading … floods and hurricanes unseen before the previous decades have now become frequent.”

He continued: “George Bush Jr., preceded by Congress, dismissed the agreement to placate giant corporations. And they are themselves standing behind speculation, monopoly and soaring living costs.”

The King of Jihad says the only way to prevent climate change from becoming a full-blown disaster is by, of course, destroying America. A familiar theme of his to be sure, but Osama’s not talking about blowing planes out of the sky or leveling buildings.

That was sooo last decade.

Rather, this time Osama wants his followers to ruin America by crippling its economy through the boycotting of U.S. goods and the greenback.

“People of the world, it’s not right for the burden to be left on the mujahideen in an issue that causes harm to everyone,” he said. “Boycott them to save yourselves and your possessions and your children from climate change and to live proud and free.”

Osama has addressed climate change before. But analysts note this is the first time he has dedicated an entire taped message to the topic.

Indeed, his new rant didn’t deal with any of his usual fave topics: the need for jihad to avenge injustices against Muslims, wiping Israel from the face of the Earth, etc.

So what gives?

Perhaps Osama figured his same old diatribes against the West weren’t having the same effect they used to. Maybe he’s attempting to broaden his appeal; expand his base.

Makes sense, I suppose. After all, his peeps have been shrinking: getting killed off by predator drones in the mountains of northwest Pakistan, burning their balls on airplanes above Detroit and what not.

Still, who knew Osama was so concerned about climate change? Does it even matter when you hang out in a cave?

It makes you wonder what kind of world we’d be living in if Al Gore had become president back in 2000.

Would Osama have been all: “Well Al, you are the leader of a very evil nation, but you’ve got some darn good ideas about tackling climate change. Loved you in An Inconvenient Truth, by the way. What moisturizer do you use?

“C’mon, Let’s forget about all this jihad business. How could I stay mad at you, Al? Listen, come to my cave, we’ll grab some beers, non-alcoholic of course, and talk global warming.”

Instead we got Dubya. And we all know how that turned out.

ryan@roadtostarrdom.com