ON SLATE THE other day, technology columnist Farhad Manjoo looked at whether there should be official ground rules for etiquette in this age of super-duper smartphones.
Manjoo was focusing on “non-voice phone usage – texting, e-mailing, Web browsing, and other activities that you can do at the same time as chatting with someone else.”
Fiddling with phones when you’re with company has become more or less socially acceptable these days. That said, having had an iPhone for about three months now, I’m all too aware of the addictive and dependency-creating nature of the device – that nagging sense that if it’s not with you, you could be missing out on something huge. (Is it even possible not to have your iPhone/BlackBerry with you?)
Needless to say, I never felt this way when I had a piece of crap old school phone that could barely manage a text message, nor for the two decades of my life that didn’t involve the use of a cell phone. Remember when it was OK to be unavailable for an hour or two?!
Anyway, we can’t turn back time or progress. And my iPhone has changed my life for the better, certainly in helping me stay on top of matters both professional and personal. It’s an expensive device, but damn convenient to have.
Manjoo isn’t debating any of this.
He’s asking readers if there should be boundaries about when and how we use the devices in social situations. I love my phone, but I also acknowledge that it’s usually hard for me to focus on much else when it’s in my hands.
Majoo presents some scenarios to help determine the ground rules:
1. You and your partner plopped down on the couch to eat cold pizza while watching a rerun of Law & Order? Would it be OK to check your e-mail then?
I say yes. It’s informal; as Majoo notes, there’s another distraction in the mix anyway; it’s not as if you’re looking deeply into each other’s eyes and the phone risks ruining the romantic vibe. You’re watching Law & Order and eating pizza… you should feel free to check your e-mail.
2. You and your significant other are at a neighborhood diner. Can you check your phone here? How about if you’re at McDonald’s? What about a white-tablecloth joint? Or say you’re taking a long walk in the park together on a sunny day. What’s acceptable in that setting?
Go for it. People can’t get uptight about etiquette at McDonald’s. At a white tablecloth joint? Perhaps whipping out your phone is a bit tacky here; ditto for the long walk in the park. Things might be different, though, if both parties have phones and there’s a mutual understanding about when/where they should be used.
3. Now let’s replace your spouse with other people. You’re at the movies on a second date, and as you wait for the theater to go dark you get a text from a friend asking how the date is going. Do you reply? How about if the text comes during the movie? Second date?
My gut says no. Maybe if you go take a leak, then it’s cool to check in with your buddies. But a second date can end either wonderfully or unsuccessfully … can you afford to run the risk of affecting the outcome by texting “Sooo getin action 2nite” to your boys in the middle of a dark theatre with her right beside you?
Manjoo’s final scenario to consider:
4. You’re at a birthday dinner with a dozen people you don’t know very well and don’t really care to impress—do you make pointless small talk with the unemployed stock trader sitting beside you, or do you read your Twitter feed?
Definitely read your Twitter feed. Talking to a stock trader, especially a whiny unemployed one, doesn’t sound very enticing.
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It’s an interesting exercise, but in reality I think it would be impossible to come up with rules of cell phone etiquette that can possibly apply to everyone.
In the end, I think it comes down to a person’s personality. Those who are generally conscientious and have some semblance of social grace will probably recognize if/when it’s OK to check their phone and when it’s not.
People who are rude, self-absorbed and generally clueless about their own behaviour are probably going to check their phones regardless of whether it’s inappropriate or tacky. Classless buttheads generally don’t care all that much about etiquette.
