Goosegate

Posted on July 17, 2010 by Ryan Starr 3 Comments

Not the most pleasant creature, but it's ours.

CANADA GEESE are a complete and utter nuisance.

They happen to bear this country’s name, and, as such, have come to be seen as a national symbol of sorts, along with Mounties, beavers and maple syrup. But our default national bird can also be quite a pain, particularly beyond our borders.

Recall Canada geese were responsible for bringing down Capt. Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger’s US Airways Flight 1549 in January 2009 (to be fair, though, they could also be credited with helping him become an American hero, at least for a few weeks, until another one came along.)

Sadly, last week 400 geese in Brooklyn’s Prospect Park were rounded up and gassed over concerns they were endangering airplane flights.

Canada geese also shit a ton and always seem to leave piles of poo in their wake. And so in Oregon recently, another 109 of them were gassed, because “the birds had become a pest in local parks, and many people were disgusted by the goose droppings,” the Canadian Press reports.

I don’t like to hear about any animals being gassed, even if it’s a cull carried out by civic authorities in an effort to mitigate a problem. But I understand that it sometimes has to be done, and I suppose that’s the most humane way to do it. It happens here in Canada, too.

What baffles me, though, is what happened in New Jersey earlier this week when police discovered 18 geese that had been beaten and shot in the head in a parking lot near a pond. I realize we’re talking about New Jersey, the a-hole of America, but still, who does that?

Not surprisingly, the matter has sparked outrage here in the Great White North — Goosegate, it’s being called.

The controversy is for good reason — can you imagine if a Canadian were to slaughter a bunch of bald eagles, the national bird and quintessential symbol of the United States? Methinks the long-predicted American invasion of this ”freedom-hating” nation would be imminent.

ryan@roadtostarrdom.com

Related: Honk if you love the Canada Goose

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  • http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crime_in_Toronto#2005:_.22Year_of_the_Gun.22 TOOPHATTOOFURIOUS

    “…police discovered 18 geese that had been beaten and shot in the head in a parking lot near a pond. I realize we’re talking about New Jersey…”

    Listen 'ere sugar tits, dose geeze had it comin' to 'em see. Dey were more like stool pigins' den geese. Forgedaboutit.

    Yougadaproblem?

  • http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crime_in_Toronto#2005:_.22Year_of_the_Gun.22 TOOPHATTOOFURIOUS

    Dude, I'm looking at your tag cloud over there on the right ————->

    It really turns my stomach. It's so wholesome, how can you stand it? 'Top words are Canada, Obama, Ontario, etc.

    Originally I was going to write this comment and bomb in a few choice words like cannibal, gang rape, and so forth. Then I realized you create the tags when you post huh. Honestly, it's like opening your skull and having a look inside and I”m none too happy with what I see. Where's the depravity? Everybody knows Canadia is full of crazy mofos. Whatever happened to that Mom Boucher character (leave it to the Canadians to have a bad guy called 'mom')? This is what you get for posting under your own name, and why I use a (nom de plume. Well that, and it's one of the rules of the witness protection program. All I'm saying is let's have a little less Disney on Ice and a little more KKKanadia.

    ^Comma after parenthesis? That's correct isn't it? Oh yeah, when you're done being my personal journalist can you be my English teacher too, and there's a few recipes I wouldn't mind learning, if you have the time of course? See I got this whole, stream on conscious thing going on. How's it read? I was thinking of doing a Kerouac thing and taking uppers and writing on a spool of print paper. Guess the print paper is obsolete in the iPad age, but you get the picture Ryan. That's another thing, Ryan, I'm going to use your name more, its only polite after all. Imagine how pissed off I would be if the computer messed up and lost my comment before I hit “post”. It's happened before Ryan, and let me tell you, I was livid. Imagine if this rant never made it to your blog. I discovered ctrl-A and I haven't been the same man since. That's cmd-A for all you fanbois. That's fanboys for you and me Ryan, that's how the kids talk these days. Crazy isn't it. I can't keep up.

    Hmm, that could be my catchphrase.
    “Where's the depravity?”

    Oh wait, here it is. Not in Canadia unfortunately, but a great read nonetheless.

    “The 'porn star killers': Actors who met on adult film set charged with killing tattoo shop owner with a sledgehammer”
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/artic…

    Best bit. Twitter accounts are still online.
    http://twitter.com/therealsunnydae
    http://twitter.com/hearveritas

    What's up with @hearveritas writing in Hebrew? I'm no expert, but my Jewdar is pretty finely tuned and this guy ain't registering on it.

    You know Ryan, I've really put my body on the line for this one. You think I like doing searches for DJ Veritas/Sean Cody? Think I want that on my ISP record. Huh? Do you? Answer me dammit.

    Dark? Yes. Grubby? For sure. Sleazy? Possibly. Do I answer my own questions? Sometimes I do Ryan *thoughtful pause* *exhale* Sometimes I do.

    I know what you're thinking Ryan. He's been on the sauce. Well actually not so much. That's why I drink Ryan. That's why I drink. I may just go and open that bottle now, I'll be sure to raise a glass to KKKanadia.

  • Ryan Starr

    Fair enough. Going forward I'll try and be more depraved and less wholesome. It's the least I can do after you went to the trouble of writing possibly the longest, most convoluted comment ever posted on the interweb… they don't call you TOOPHATTOOFURIOUS for nothin!