But I honestly believe that what I’ve been through over the last 72 hours in trying to get to the south of France – where I’m lucky enough to be spending the holidays – has to be among the worst I’ve ever experienced.

And I lay the blame squarely at the feet of Continental Airlines. Simply put, they are the devil. And I don’t consider that a libelous statement; it’s a fair comment based on considerable factual evidence and personal observations made over the past three days.

Owing to a series of mishaps and screw-ups – none of which the airline took responsibility for – my girlfriend and I ended up missing our flight to Paris Tuesday night. As a result we were marooned in Newark, New Jersey, a godforsaken place that a fellow stranded flier aptly likened to purgatory.

Adding to the frustration, most of the Continental employees we dealt with were surly, rude and/or completely indifferent to how they’d screwed over dozens of travelers desperately attempting to get home for the holidays. (It’s amazing how much money you pay to get treated like crap by airlines.)

...if by home they mean a cockroach-infested hole located down the street from a prison.

Ultimately we were forced to pay out of our own pockets to spend the night at a scuzzy, rundown Howard Johnson, probably one of the most disgusting hotels at which I’ve ever had the displeasure of staying. Indeed, there were more cockroaches than guests at this shit-hole, which is located only a mile or so from a state penitentiary (our room no doubt the scene of countless conjugal visits over the years).

Thankfully the following afternoon we managed to escape from Newark – the armpit of America – on a flight to Paris, only to arrive the following morning to face a different sort of madness: the winter-weather-related chaos that’s been crippling northern Europe for much of the past week.

In stark contrast to their Cuntinental counterparts, though, Air France employees were delightful, despite the mayhem they’d been dealing with, and were able to eventually help us reach our final destination, a lovely old farmhouse tucked into the hills north of Cannes.

Christmas on the Côte d'Azur: could be worse.

It was hell getting here, but as I sit here on Christmas Eve and drink in the lovely views of the Côte d’Azur – along with copious amounts of wine – the infuriating/dehumanizing events of the last few days are beginning to feel like a distant memory.

OK, that’s a bit of a stretch, but at least the festive holiday spirit has been fully restored within me. And I’ve already got my New Year’s resolution: never fly Continental again.

ryan@roadtostarrdom.com

Not the most pleasant creature, but it's ours.

CANADA GEESE are a complete and utter nuisance.

They happen to bear this country’s name, and, as such, have come to be seen as a national symbol of sorts, along with Mounties, beavers and maple syrup. But our default national bird can also be quite a pain, particularly beyond our borders.

Recall Canada geese were responsible for bringing down Capt. Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger’s US Airways Flight 1549 in January 2009 (to be fair, though, they could also be credited with helping him become an American hero, at least for a few weeks, until another one came along.)

Sadly, last week 400 geese in Brooklyn’s Prospect Park were rounded up and gassed over concerns they were endangering airplane flights.

Canada geese also shit a ton and always seem to leave piles of poo in their wake. And so in Oregon recently, another 109 of them were gassed, because “the birds had become a pest in local parks, and many people were disgusted by the goose droppings,” the Canadian Press reports.

I don’t like to hear about any animals being gassed, even if it’s a cull carried out by civic authorities in an effort to mitigate a problem. But I understand that it sometimes has to be done, and I suppose that’s the most humane way to do it. It happens here in Canada, too.

What baffles me, though, is what happened in New Jersey earlier this week when police discovered 18 geese that had been beaten and shot in the head in a parking lot near a pond. I realize we’re talking about New Jersey, the a-hole of America, but still, who does that?

Not surprisingly, the matter has sparked outrage here in the Great White North — Goosegate, it’s being called.

The controversy is for good reason — can you imagine if a Canadian were to slaughter a bunch of bald eagles, the national bird and quintessential symbol of the United States? Methinks the long-predicted American invasion of this ”freedom-hating” nation would be imminent.

ryan@roadtostarrdom.com

Related: Honk if you love the Canada Goose